ELF NATION: FAKE "ELF" CRIMES ON HIGH RISE IN USA

MANY MORE FAKE "HATE CRIMES" WILL BE OCCURRING THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES. THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO GET CITIZENS TO SYMPATHIZE WITH SATAN "ELVES". THIS BOY CLAIMED HE WAS PUNCHED AT A PARTY FOR BEING AN "ELF", AND HAD HIS LIPS STAPLED. YEP, INSANE. ONE, HIS NAME IS NOT A COMMON "ELF" NAME, SO NOONE WOULD KNOW WHO HE WAS (ONLY "ELVES"). TWO, WHO CARRIES AROUND A STAPLE GUN AT A COLLEGE PARTY???? LOOOOOL